Yes yes... it has been too long since i've updated this humble really inactive blog of mine. Long story of my life in short... Someone who robbed my house ransacked the whole place and stole along with other things, my diary!! Yes of all things my diary!! I'm just so annoyed and I feel so violated by that. Apart from that, as usual busy in University and just plain packed for the whole semester what with 4 responsibilities to juggle about. Studies, Student Council, Media Association and Curtin Football Club these aint no joke. How am I ever gonna find time to breathe?! Ah... well i'll manage somehow...
Well sitting here on a sleepless night (knew I shouldn't have drank coffee in the afternoon) the need to write something just came over me. That and the fact that I spent 2 hours on the phone with my mum, discussing the issues of life (deep? yeah.. well...). From national security, prime ministers, jokes, responsibilities in University, Asian mindset, and the list goes on... It just occurred to me, the reason why I always felt out of place. The reason probably why I'm still single??... Hmmm...
I just realised that I haven't really found a better half of me... Well other than my crazy enigma of a best friend, Daniella, nope I haven't found anyone that compliments me nor understands me. The truth? I always wanted to see if there is a guy out there that sees things the way I do, or even if not understands me and yet explains his view. What great conversations we would have. Call me old fashioned, but the teenage "OMG that's like soooo sweet that you love me and buy me stuff and am always with me" shizz just don't do it for me. What happened to "finding a person that never bores you and keeps you on your toes", finding the "opposite attract" guy? The dude you can just see sitting beside you through a lifetime, a person you can talk with and share your views and ideas with. Someone who just brings joy, excitement, calmness and probably annoyance too. Just all emotions good or bad but sticks with you even when the road gets rocky and when life just machine guns lemons your way.
I just have not found that guy yet. Besides, I tend to see things differently from others and most of the time no one agrees with me. I feel at times that I was born in the wrong era. Like in the movie the Iron Lady, I share Margaret Thatcher's thoughts really I do. Although I do not agree of the way she treated her husband, that was sad. However, point is, when I commit to something I fully commit and when I have a vision of something I aim high and try my best to reach it. I absolutely hate it when people commit to something but do things half heartily or even not do it at all. I have had responsibility on my shoulders all my life. I've always felt like I'm always responsible for something. There are days I wished to be carefree like my other friends, no drama no responsibilities to handle but that wish never came true. Heck, it seems that my list of responsibilities just grew a mile longer! The crazy thing though... I think, I like it?
If I were given the chance or the power to change something for the better. I give it my all. I'll fight for what is right. If someone is in need of help, oh goodness it kills me if I don't help them. Even if I can't help and the person says its ok they can handle the matter, i'll think about the matter for days and the little voice in my head keeps telling me "You should have helped. Found a way maybe to assist. You should have..." The daunting feeling sucks by the way. A friend once dear to me told me before we disowned each other, "You care about others and do things for others, you should for once care about yourself! That will one day ruin you if you keep putting others before yourself". Well first of all, I'm no Mother Teresa or Ghandi alright. I'm no where near them. It's just when someone asks me for help I can't help it but help them out somehow. The times when I don't because of personal reasons or whatever reasons (see I'm not Mother Teresa/Ghandi) I guilt trip myself so bad it just hurts.
I have so many ideas on how things should be and yet I understand why things are the way they are. I want to be a change and make a change in the community, in the country even! But I'm just too scared to stand up or voice out. Oh how I envy those who can speak up. The outgoing (flirty eyed, loud, beautiful) people. Who are so sure of themselves and so confident, one bat of an eyelash and people come running to them preaching their words.
So see how screwed up I am... Now tell me which guy in this "modern" age can handle all these messed up ideas or my messed up personality? All the guys I have met so far in my whole adolescent/young adult life are too carefree, immature (for my taste), boring, crazy, uncommitted they just put me off. Seeing the older times, not only in movies mind you, when the guys were just supportive, understanding and born in the generation that thinks "when something is broken, fix it not throw it away", it makes me think Is there even a slight chance I'll meet someone like that in this age? Chances are pretty slim in my opinion. All those guys only seem to exist in movies and that is probably because the point of reference are characters from the olden days of Hollywood, which surprise-surprise, are just the way most men were back then.
This is why I'm single. Might even be the reason why I'll probably be forever single. It doesn't make my mind feel any nicer when people ask me why I don't have a boyfriend though. It bothers me alright and it's kind of sad come to think of it. Most people my age are in relationships or MARRIED!
Me? well... I'll just take life one step at a time. I do have a little bit of hope haha.. Who knows, probably on one of those rickety steps there'll be someone there sent by Him just waiting for me, smiling and with an outreached hand to give support and encourage me, to be my companion and just to love me for who I am...
Ok... getting too emotional now, time to move on hahaha... Well I'll be damned, its 3am and I have a 9am class tomorrow. Definitely no more coffee past 6pm for me.
Signing out,
Coffee-high
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Monday, April 11, 2011
Conflicted
She feels so left out, but she's too strong to weep
does anyone even give a damn.
or are they just putting an upfront charm?
She can't help wondering the same thing for weeks
Although friends are always by her side,
To whom can she actually trust to confide?
Perhaps everyone,
yet again maybe not even one.
She can't help but wonder,
it may just be better being a loner,
Then she thinks back of the fun times
and she starts to smile.
She's torn between,
happiness and sadness
which will be the side that wins?
A debate starts and her head's in a mess
A conclusion she'll never come to,
Cheers herself by blasting the stereos with beats to dance to
She'll just bite back retorts and tears,
Always being in a dilemma, just isn't for her
Why does she even care about all this?
Can't she just live life as it is?
head on her shoulders and feet firmly on the ground
Maybe she should stop caring so much about people around
All this said and done,
She's sort of on her own
pick herself up, from all the bits and pieces on the ground
get herself together and act like nothings wrong
No use being sad and moody
She takes a deep breath and takes it easy
Drowns herself with her favourite songs
Cause come on, it's just life and life goes on...
Signing out,
outcast
does anyone even give a damn.
or are they just putting an upfront charm?
She can't help wondering the same thing for weeks
Although friends are always by her side,
To whom can she actually trust to confide?
Perhaps everyone,
yet again maybe not even one.
She can't help but wonder,
it may just be better being a loner,
Then she thinks back of the fun times
and she starts to smile.
She's torn between,
happiness and sadness
which will be the side that wins?
A debate starts and her head's in a mess
A conclusion she'll never come to,
Cheers herself by blasting the stereos with beats to dance to
She'll just bite back retorts and tears,
Always being in a dilemma, just isn't for her
Why does she even care about all this?
Can't she just live life as it is?
head on her shoulders and feet firmly on the ground
Maybe she should stop caring so much about people around
All this said and done,
She's sort of on her own
pick herself up, from all the bits and pieces on the ground
get herself together and act like nothings wrong
No use being sad and moody
She takes a deep breath and takes it easy
Drowns herself with her favourite songs
Cause come on, it's just life and life goes on...
Signing out,
outcast
Friday, February 18, 2011
Dancing, catchy music, dramatic storylines = A Bollygood time!
What makes me interested in Hindi movies? Well could it be the catchy and sometimes funny synchronised dance moves, or could it be the vivid representation of their culture in the movies produced or how about the beautiful storyline spun by marvellous writers. In fact it is all of these that make me love Bollywood. And as I got older, well I can’t deny the fact that I found most Bollywood actors to be hunky and oh so, tall dark and handsome! *wink*
 |
| John Abraham |
There was a time when I was a child around 5 years old, I would go crazy over Shah Rukh Khan, just because he was so suave in those movies he acted in. I even pestered my mum to get me a cassette of his songs (Yes cassette, there were no CD’s back then... gawd I feel so old!) only to find out later on that it wasn’t him singing all those songs, boy was my little naive heart, broken. My first favourite Hindi movie has got to be “Kuch Kuch Hota Hai’ oh the fun we would have in school making fun of the dancing and the title. My friends and I will hide behind the wooden pillars in school, slowly peep out from behind it, nod our heads from side to side while singing “kucha kucha hota hai” and we would collapse on the ground laughing hysterically. Also not to forget the melodious chanting of "Tumpah Se Air" (the song 'Tum Pase Aye' in 'Kuch Kuch Hota Hai') whenever water is spilled. "Tumpah" in Bahasa Malaysia means "Spill" and "Air" means "Water".
Though years have passed, and the hype of Hindi movies has sort of “left the country” my love and appreciation for Hindi movies hasn’t faltered. In fact I grew to appreciate and enjoy the different stance Hindi movies take on in the world of media. For example, unlike all those common American or English movies, every Hindi movie is a musical with catchy meaningful songs and most of the time brilliant choreography. Dance numbers of Hindi movies has evolved through the years and no longer comprise of just running around, hiding behind trees and rolling down hills, but instead has incorporated hip hop, ballet, and modernised some original ‘bollywood moves’ how international of them. Well well, talk about international standard, that has definitely been achieved by Indian films. Another interesting thing about Hindi movies is that nothing is impossible no matter how ridiculous it might be. Flying cars, Indestructible heroes, karate moves that beats even Shaolin monks, you name it and Bollywood has made it happen!
Furthermore their sense of humour has the tendency to make you laugh till you cry. There’s humour in every genre and you’ll be laughing about something or other may it be crazy antics by possessive mothers, warm loving fathers, best friends who can never do anything right or even something as simple as a facial expression. Need a laugh? I suggest you pick up movies like ‘Golmaal Returns’, ‘Dostana’ or even ‘Kambakkht Ishq’. Besides that, the romance is just wow! The way Bollywood movies are written makes you fall head over heels for the hero and wish you were that lucky beautiful girl in the movie instead of just being a mere spectator. Movies like ‘I Hate Luv Stories’, ‘Jab We Met’ and ‘Pyaar Impossible’ will leave you with many "awww" moments and that fluttery feeling in your stomach.
However, don’t underestimate these movies to be just ridiculous, funny or having no ‘substance’. You’d be surprised, try ‘3 idiots’, ‘Aashayein’, ‘Fanaa’, ‘Paa’, ‘Rang De Bansanti and ‘Paathshaala’ there are some scenes that can really leave you in tears, some just leave you inspired and some makes you want to make a change in your lives. That’s another reason I admire Bollywood, they manage to make entertaining movies that grasps the viewers and at the same time incorporates love, culture and some serious issues too.
Now if only Malaysian movies could be the same. Well, we’re getting there, but it’s a painfully slow journey to the top. The glory of Malaysian movies seems to have died with the legends. P.Ramlee, you will always be an inspiration and an example to follow. Don’t get me wrong, we do have some wonderful movies in the modern times like ‘Sepet’ and ‘Papadom’ but most of the movies produced nowadays aren’t even worth watching unless you like watching annoying ‘mak ciks’ (aunts/ old ladies) trying to be young and talking in an exaggerated foreign accent, unfaithful husbands who legally marries 3 wives and unbelievably funny ghosts/ monsters. Gradually we are improving and I do hope we improve more, and who knows one day in the future they’ll be someone blogging (or whatever futuristic social thought-sharing technology) about Malaysian movies and how it touched and became a part of their lives. I’m dreaming of that day to come and if only I can be a part of it *dreamy smile*
Signing out,
Bollyfied
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
It's never too late!
Just finished sprucing up my blog. A new year a new layout and style.... and yes I do know I'm a month late, yea yea... but it's never too late to start and better late than never!
I just love what I've done with the new banner, it took me a while, but it seems I'm now getting better at handling Adobe Photoshop. Haha!! I take no ownership of the worm on the book, but everything else I will definitely take credit. Trust me it isn't as easy as it looks if you're a beginner... Then again it's never too late to learn am I right? Gonna need the skills for my course in college so I need all the practice I can get.
Thus I end this post by saying, I'm sleepy.... Yes nothing special.. just a simple phrase which means my eyes are closing... might be becoming slightly delirious and suffering from non-stop yawning.... It is also 6.44am and I haven't slept a wink. Oh well I guess I should sleep now... As the saying goes, It's never too late.
Signing out,
"late-bug"
I just love what I've done with the new banner, it took me a while, but it seems I'm now getting better at handling Adobe Photoshop. Haha!! I take no ownership of the worm on the book, but everything else I will definitely take credit. Trust me it isn't as easy as it looks if you're a beginner... Then again it's never too late to learn am I right? Gonna need the skills for my course in college so I need all the practice I can get.
Thus I end this post by saying, I'm sleepy.... Yes nothing special.. just a simple phrase which means my eyes are closing... might be becoming slightly delirious and suffering from non-stop yawning.... It is also 6.44am and I haven't slept a wink. Oh well I guess I should sleep now... As the saying goes, It's never too late.
Signing out,
"late-bug"
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Hiatus??!!
Yes It has been ages since I last posted something on this dying blog.. well for one I found a different outlet for all my ranting... MY FRIENDS!! hahaha.. they actually reply back and make me feel better and for the ranting I needed to do in the past year, a two-way rant was ideal compared to a one-way blog rant. So therefore no updates. This post is just to say that despite my lack of posting I have yet to go insane! *insert crazy face here*
My thoughts still keep me sane, and I'm hoping to start blogging once more. Who knows it might even improve my writing style/ skills.. Which pretty much died ever since I left High School. Sad right? I know...
So I now declare my "un-blogging" days OVER!! Ermmm... I hope... *insert sheepish face here* hehehe....
My thoughts still keep me sane, and I'm hoping to start blogging once more. Who knows it might even improve my writing style/ skills.. Which pretty much died ever since I left High School. Sad right? I know...
So I now declare my "un-blogging" days OVER!! Ermmm... I hope... *insert sheepish face here* hehehe....
Sunday, November 14, 2010
A Family of Friends (A time of emo-ing)
It's really been ages since I've last blogged and boy does time fly. I've been quiet only because I've just been "superdy duperdy" busy. Assignments, friends and now coming up is exams. I guess life in Curtin is in a way awesome, but then again... sometimes when shit happens it just makes me want to run home and live my life the way i used too, without all the problems I get in Uni.
However so, in Curtin, I've found a whole bunch of awesome people who I can really trust and whom I call my family. A family of friends who cares and who just takes me for who i am and I thank God for sending them into my life. Lingesh, Jiva, Sundara, Manpreet, Dilendri and Ashweny what would i do without you guys. You guys have been my rock, my comforters and the best jokers I could ever ask for. Naveen, Surin, Jaya, Jia Chyi, Eswaran and Kader, you guys have also made my semester in Curtin a fun and enjoyable experience. I'm really gonna miss you all during the 3 months break and hopefully when we are back you won't have forgotten me.
LINGU: hahaha your proposal day OMG!! Boy was I kinda jealous, hahaha but I loved every minute of it, thank you for letting me witness something so sweet and exciting, brother you are the best!
DEE: You're the best ever girl friend I could ask for in Curtin. you're always there for me through thick and thin ^_^ ur like a sister to me and btw "mama oyata aderei"!! Hehehe... Know that i'm always here for you too and the funny sasau moments we have together this semester, hopefully we can have the same next semester and cross my fingers we'd be in the same house that;ll be just awesome.
PREETI: SISTA!!! hahaha... you're just the most adorable sister, we have about the same thinking and that's just sasau hahhaa.. you're always there when I need a friend, or a shoulder to cry on. We'd we talking about hindi movies and when I'm pulling an all-nighter you'd be online accompanying me somehow haha... the jokes we share and the fun awesome moments like JCW we had this semester is just priceless.. Thanks so much my sis, I'm gonna miss you this 3 months break and hopefully when I'm back you won't have forgotten me and we'll have many more priceless moments next semester ^_^
JIVAAA: you "baby-haired", photogenic cutesy you! hahaha... you're always there when anyone is in need of company and you're just the sweetest blur-est friend I could ever ask for, always making me laugh and keeping me company and letting me do the weirdest things (play with your hair and being your paparazzi) I'm gonna miss your funny reactions for 3 months hahaha...
SUNDARA: Dear brother, the big brother, the poet and the sasau-est in the group. Thanks for the jalan-jalan time and for all the advice you've given me. Heck I dunno how crazily "emo" I would be without you and your comforting advice. The times when I was feeling the worst, you'll always be there asking "kenapa hang muka panjang?" hahaha and you'll listen to my problems no matter how annoying it can get at times (yes I know and I'm sorry ^_^) and at the end there'll always be a totally cool sounding quote that relates to the situation. Awwww gonna miss you this 3 months brother!
ASH: Dei dei deiiiiii... sorry no picture, as I have yet to take a good picture of you. hahaha sad right? I should stalk you one of these days and take a picture of you at your best. You're just the best awesomest housemate ever!!! Hahaha.. my shoulder to cry on, and a dear dear friend. Know that even if we're not in the same house next semester, I'll still be nearby so just knock on my window or gimme a call, anytime. I won't forget that night I knocked on your door and ended up crying about something totally stupid and you blasted me for it hahaha that set me straight. Dei what on earth wud I do without you in villa, god knows... and besides that, I'll always remember your yummy cooking hehee... cook again for me next semester okay!? Sooo gonna mmiss you this 3 months. ^_^
My family of friends, take care for now. Study hard for exams, and after that lets enjoy our last days together for this semester. We'll meet up again next semester for more sasau, priceless and fun adventures together. All the best, well wishes, stay healthy and God bless! Love you guys always. and deiii I'll always be online and will be in Curtin or nearby to listen and to comfort and to keep you guys company like what you guys have been doing for me. ^_^ Cheers...
However so, in Curtin, I've found a whole bunch of awesome people who I can really trust and whom I call my family. A family of friends who cares and who just takes me for who i am and I thank God for sending them into my life. Lingesh, Jiva, Sundara, Manpreet, Dilendri and Ashweny what would i do without you guys. You guys have been my rock, my comforters and the best jokers I could ever ask for. Naveen, Surin, Jaya, Jia Chyi, Eswaran and Kader, you guys have also made my semester in Curtin a fun and enjoyable experience. I'm really gonna miss you all during the 3 months break and hopefully when we are back you won't have forgotten me.
LINGU: hahaha your proposal day OMG!! Boy was I kinda jealous, hahaha but I loved every minute of it, thank you for letting me witness something so sweet and exciting, brother you are the best!
DEE: You're the best ever girl friend I could ask for in Curtin. you're always there for me through thick and thin ^_^ ur like a sister to me and btw "mama oyata aderei"!! Hehehe... Know that i'm always here for you too and the funny sasau moments we have together this semester, hopefully we can have the same next semester and cross my fingers we'd be in the same house that;ll be just awesome.
 |
| A family of friends |
JIVAAA: you "baby-haired", photogenic cutesy you! hahaha... you're always there when anyone is in need of company and you're just the sweetest blur-est friend I could ever ask for, always making me laugh and keeping me company and letting me do the weirdest things (play with your hair and being your paparazzi) I'm gonna miss your funny reactions for 3 months hahaha...
SUNDARA: Dear brother, the big brother, the poet and the sasau-est in the group. Thanks for the jalan-jalan time and for all the advice you've given me. Heck I dunno how crazily "emo" I would be without you and your comforting advice. The times when I was feeling the worst, you'll always be there asking "kenapa hang muka panjang?" hahaha and you'll listen to my problems no matter how annoying it can get at times (yes I know and I'm sorry ^_^) and at the end there'll always be a totally cool sounding quote that relates to the situation. Awwww gonna miss you this 3 months brother!
ASH: Dei dei deiiiiii... sorry no picture, as I have yet to take a good picture of you. hahaha sad right? I should stalk you one of these days and take a picture of you at your best. You're just the best awesomest housemate ever!!! Hahaha.. my shoulder to cry on, and a dear dear friend. Know that even if we're not in the same house next semester, I'll still be nearby so just knock on my window or gimme a call, anytime. I won't forget that night I knocked on your door and ended up crying about something totally stupid and you blasted me for it hahaha that set me straight. Dei what on earth wud I do without you in villa, god knows... and besides that, I'll always remember your yummy cooking hehee... cook again for me next semester okay!? Sooo gonna mmiss you this 3 months. ^_^
My family of friends, take care for now. Study hard for exams, and after that lets enjoy our last days together for this semester. We'll meet up again next semester for more sasau, priceless and fun adventures together. All the best, well wishes, stay healthy and God bless! Love you guys always. and deiii I'll always be online and will be in Curtin or nearby to listen and to comfort and to keep you guys company like what you guys have been doing for me. ^_^ Cheers...
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Should I Be Proud or Stressed Out?
10.30am on the 13th of July, I accompanied my aunt to her clinic appointment. While waiting for her I took the liberty to read 'The Star' newspaper and I came across many interesting articles, some made me laugh and some made me think "what on earth is wrong with today's world.." but those stories I'll save for a later post.
For now however I shall explain to you why my latest post is titled as such. In the newspaper I came across a list of the 18 "excellent" public and private university colleges in the country. These colleges are rated tier 5 (so far no college is rated tier 6 which is the the highest rank) and here's the list in alphabetical order :
1. Curtin University of Technology Sarawak
2. International Islamic University Malaysia
3. International Medical University
4. Management and Science University
5. Monash University Sunway Campus
6. Sunway University College
7. Swinburne University of Technology, Sarawak Campus
8. Taylor's University College
9. The University of Nottingham, Malaysia Campus
10. Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia
11. Universiti Kuala Lumpur
12. Universiti Malaya
13. Universiti Multimedia
14. Universiti Putra Malaysia
15. Universiti Sains Malaysia
16. Universiti Teknologi Malaysia
17. Universiti Teknologi Mara
18. Universiti Teknologi Petronas
Note the one highlighted... that's the college I'll be attending, doing a foundation in Mass Communications.
When I attended the pre-departure briefing last Friday I was told that studying in Curtin will not be easy and I shouldn't expect to pass easily without MUCH effort. The passing mark is high and expectations on the students are higher. Therefore my dilemma... I have always had a problem with studying, may it be revising or doing exercises. My attention span for studying is about as long as the attention span of a year old baby....okay so I'm exaggerating a little. I'd say the longest I can actually focus on studying with no distractions is for just half an hour not more. See my problem??? Hopefully I'll be able to concentrate more as I have the interest and the passion for anything 'mass com'. My future depends on me hitting the books and not to fiddle as Rome burns.
So conclusion.... am I proud or stressed out?
Well as for now I'm proud that I'll soon be attending one of the top tiered colleges in Malaysia! It's a blessing and a golden opportunity and I pray to God that I won't waste this chance of a lifetime. I'll be leaving for college on the 28th of July and Orientation starts on the 2nd of August and I'll only be back home in December for semester break... Ok come to think of it... maybe I am a little stressed out... Eeek HELP!!
For now however I shall explain to you why my latest post is titled as such. In the newspaper I came across a list of the 18 "excellent" public and private university colleges in the country. These colleges are rated tier 5 (so far no college is rated tier 6 which is the the highest rank) and here's the list in alphabetical order :
1. Curtin University of Technology Sarawak
2. International Islamic University Malaysia
3. International Medical University
4. Management and Science University
5. Monash University Sunway Campus
6. Sunway University College
7. Swinburne University of Technology, Sarawak Campus
8. Taylor's University College
9. The University of Nottingham, Malaysia Campus
10. Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia
11. Universiti Kuala Lumpur
12. Universiti Malaya
13. Universiti Multimedia
14. Universiti Putra Malaysia
15. Universiti Sains Malaysia
16. Universiti Teknologi Malaysia
17. Universiti Teknologi Mara
18. Universiti Teknologi Petronas
Note the one highlighted... that's the college I'll be attending, doing a foundation in Mass Communications.
 |
| Curtin University of Technology Sarawak Campus |
When I attended the pre-departure briefing last Friday I was told that studying in Curtin will not be easy and I shouldn't expect to pass easily without MUCH effort. The passing mark is high and expectations on the students are higher. Therefore my dilemma... I have always had a problem with studying, may it be revising or doing exercises. My attention span for studying is about as long as the attention span of a year old baby....okay so I'm exaggerating a little. I'd say the longest I can actually focus on studying with no distractions is for just half an hour not more. See my problem??? Hopefully I'll be able to concentrate more as I have the interest and the passion for anything 'mass com'. My future depends on me hitting the books and not to fiddle as Rome burns.
So conclusion.... am I proud or stressed out?
Well as for now I'm proud that I'll soon be attending one of the top tiered colleges in Malaysia! It's a blessing and a golden opportunity and I pray to God that I won't waste this chance of a lifetime. I'll be leaving for college on the 28th of July and Orientation starts on the 2nd of August and I'll only be back home in December for semester break... Ok come to think of it... maybe I am a little stressed out... Eeek HELP!!
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